Life is not Fair

Well, life is not fair, i will never be. There are so much thing that's happening to my life, which is becoming the reason why I'm saying such thing. Hidup itu engga semudah yang dilihat, dan hidup itu engga seperti yang dibayangkan kebanyakan orang. Hidup itu engga terjadi sesuai dengan apa yang diharapkan. Andai hidup itu semudah membalikkan telapak tangan.

Banyak impian yang pastinya ingin dicapai semua orang, contohnya hidup sukses, punya keluarga harmonis, pengen jadi dokter, dan lain lainnya. Banyak impian klise yang gua yakini dimiliki setiap orang, cuma kadang impian itu gabisa jadi kenyataan. Mungkin orang itu kurang berusaha, tapi mungkin juga, sekeras apa pun dia usaha, emang takdir ga mengijinkan itu untuk terjadi and that's exactly happening to me right now.

dari kecil, gua cuma mau jadi dokter gigi, dan yaa gua kurang berusaha untuk jadi dokter gigi, dan gua ended up belajar food technology. it's not really bad, at first, and i like it! gua belajar di uph, setelah sekian lama. everything was fine, until last semester, when i knew that's I'm the only one who's going to study in australia, for dual degree program. Semua impian gua berubah, dan semuanya seperti ga akan tercapai. I decided no to go to Australia for my bachelor degree, because of I think of Michael. Well, I didn't regret for what I chose, cause for these two years, I can see a lot of improvement of Michael, and I don't think it's going to be that fast if I'm not sacrificing my degree.

But now, I am in Australia already, for my dual degree program with UPH, having fun and feeling good with my study here. Gua berpikir untuk ga balik lagi ke indo, dengan berbagai macam alasan. Tapi karena berbagai alasan juga, I decided to kill my dream. Today, I talked to my friend and he told me about what I can do for my dream. I can actually drop the contract and sign up for bachelor in a uni here. Then I just apply my visa in the immagration and my uni back home does not have anything to do with it. It's my choice. I actually do not understand how the contract works but yeah I'd love to try. However, no one is supporting my decision, except my Ozzie's friend here.

I am tired of listening to other people and not listening to myself. I am tired of thinking about other people all the time, while I don't think about myself. I just wanna do what I want. I guess everyone in the world also wanna do that.

Please, life. Can you be fair to every single of us, just once? I am tired to live my life like this. I am very tired.

I Wish

It's maybe a post effect of my period. I am starting to be sensitive, again. There are things happening in this several weeks since I go back to Australia. I had so much fun that I can't explain by words. But somehow, deep down here, I feel lonely.

I don't regret what I do, and what I have chosen. I just, well I need some friends you know. I have these new friends, 3 Mexican girls. They are pretty, they are nice and smart. I love being around with them. When I'm with them, I feel like I'm having my long lost friend. Somehow, I am hoping that I am not the only UPH student who come here to study. I envy them, so much. They can have each other in the class. They can have each other to travel. They can have each other to shop. They can have each other to do whatever they want.

But me? I don't think anyone knows how I feel. I feel so lonely whenever I went to the class cause no one's talking to me. I am like an alien from other planet. They are different with my housemates. I feel stupid whenever the lecture ask me to do something, cause I don't really understand what's going on. Whenever I go or travel, I have to travel by my own self and I wish I can travel more. I only have few months here and I have spent the previous 4 months by only studying and make lots of friends in Blue Gum.

People never satisfy with what they have, that's kinda true. I want more. I want to travel. I wanna go to New Zealand, to Tasmania, to Melbourne, to Goldcoast. I wanna go everywhere but the thing is, I can't. I don't have time to and I don't have anyone to go with me, sounds stupid but yeah it's so pathetic.

I don't wanna come back to my country, I just wanna stay where I live. I want to do what I want. I just wish, I am not gonna be alone when I come back to finish my study. Such a pathetic life.

I just wish, and I really wish. It's only another 1.5 years and then, I can do whatever I wanna do.

I wish.