Why Oh Why?

I have started my university days in Ourimbah since Monday. At first, I don't understand what the lecturer says but as the time goes by, I do understand and I find it interesting to study here. They have lots of fun projects to do and they do have great laboratories. They have Sara Lee Kitchen and it's so damn nice. It has 8 bays which has one refrigerator, one analytical balance, 2 ovens, and 4 cooking places. I know it will be a great place to study even I don't have such good friends like Genggong here.

Well, I have a holiday on every Thursday and I decided to go to the shopping centre to find infant foods packaging for my case study. When I was in the bus stop, I read my twitter and I saw that HE is going to Bandung with some of my beloved friends. At that moment, I was shaking so bad and I just wanna go home and cry, but I have to be tough. I really need to go and let him go away.

What I wonder the most is he has lots of friends and why he needs to come to mine. My friends are my strength and he is my weakness. How can you survive when you see your weakness in the middle of your strength? You won't ever be strong enough to survive, I guess.

Why should he come and go as like as much as he wants?
Why should I cry over him again and again?
Why should I dream of him and still care about him?

I am thousands kilometres away from him and I still can't live my life, what happened to me, for God's sake?
Why am I so stupid?

Why Oh Why?

Food and Teddy

Chasing Pavements

It has been 3 days that the rain has pouring so had, I can't do anything but staying at the dorm. I even can't go the laundry room and wash my clothes. I wanna go to Sydney, at least I'll have my beloved bestfriend to laugh with me. But that's alright, I'm gonna get my new friends here, they're nice though.

For the last two days, I talked quite much to Dimas, we did Skype so much. I miss him so much, miss those moments when I used to laugh and share the love with him. There was nothing but love and happiness, but this time, it's different. I don't know what he feels but I feel empty. There's nothing more between us, it's not even a friend-friend feeling, well I hope I'll recover soon so that it will become easier for me and of course, for him.

We do quarrels most of the time, misunderstanding. It's Skype Conversation, I only can see the words but I don't know how's his tone and well, maybe he mad at me, it gets on my nerve and he hates me :( it's always been like that. I believe he's so fucking tired, just like me.

What should I do? Do I need to stop or keep on chasing pavements?

I Wish

I'm staying here, at my besties' apartment for a night, before I go back to my real life of the quiet and lonely village. I feel very, what it is called, comfy cozy peaceful warm and it's indescribable feeling. I look at these three brothers, I kinda jealous, if I have more siblings around me, maybe it won't be that hard to stay here. I would have my sisters or brothers to work hand-in-hand with me.

These three brothers are awesome. I saw them cooking this morning, and it's like, I wish I have brothers or sisters just like them. I am so happy to have Michael as my only brother but people always want more, isn't it? More siblings would be nice for me. I know that won't be happening to me for real, however staying in their apartment, even only for a night, it makes me miss my family more and more. 

They are such a wonderful family :)

Australia Touchdown

Arrived at the Sydney International Airport and I waited for the car to pick me up and drive me to Ourimbah. Bought a burger for brunch and went to the Darling Harbour to pick some other passengers up. Straight to Ourimbah, to the Blue Gum House, kinda confused at the first time because it was so quiet there. After several walk to this and that buildings, I got my key and I got in. It's Room 16.

It's a nice room actually, but it's so damn cold and I don't know how to turn the heater on. I just found out later that I can use the air conditioner with higher temperature, stupid me. I met this guy, Lokie. He's from Hongkong, a 29 year old and a post graduate. Glad that I'm meeting a Hongkong guy but he's moving out very soon, in couple weeks. I met Yaya, an Egyptian guy. Neil, an Indian guy. John, a Korean guy. and Cliff, a Malaysian guy. John gave me the Korean sushi he made on my third day in Ourimbah.

I went to Westfield Shopping Centre in Tuggerah and shopped there for two days. Not a very good shop centre but it's better than nothing, aight? It was so quiet there, actually I like the atmosphere but it was just TOO QUIET. There are only trees and the yellowish whitish and greyish birds. I met Shannon finally and she brought her kids. They were very very naughty but I love them. They are very very cute, especially JJ.

My student card and internet access are not ready for several reasons and even Shannon doesn't know what happened. I really need the internet and the blackberry service didn't work at all, was so lonely.

I decided to come to Sydney, went with wrong train so I stopped at the Gosford and went to central with another train. Ntep had waited me there, miss him so much :):) mau peluk tapi ada mama, jadi ga enak haha. Then, we walked to the hotel, a bit rain and put the luggage in. Went to Paddy's Market, kinda like Mangga Dua with better goods, better fruits and everything. I want UGG! Then, met my family in Randwick, had very nice Indonesian food: kangkung, ayam sereh, udang goreng mentega, OPOR AYAM! I love the opor, like, very much :*:* At night, me and Ntep went to watch Harry Potter! :D it all ends, just it. It's not that good for a final of a sequel that is watched by zillions people.

On Saturday, I went again to the Paddy's, Ntep brought me croissants for me and mom. We went to Newtown, walked along the street, saw USYD and had lunch at the Thai La Ong, it was a nice Thai restaurant. Then, we walked again along the street and went back to the City, to walk around, bought ice cream at Passion Flower. I tried the black sesame ice cream but I didn't like it. I wonder why everyone likes the black sesame ice cream.

We had dinner at a ramen restaurant which is very nice and warm, and we walked Mom to the hotel. Ntep showed me this puff that he likes so much, the Emperor's cream puff. It was hot outside and very hot inside. I went to The Chocolate Room, had dark chocolate and Ntep had the caramel chocolate but it was not good. It has 20 flavors of chocolate milk and also several types of the milk shakes. I wanted to try the Kitty Shakes, it's made from Kit Kat and ice milk chocolate, but the night was so cold so I decided to have the warm one. Me and Ntep talked about this guy and that girl. I miss the cozy comfort feelings I'd always love to share with him :) 

We took the complimentary drink from the hotel: Pure Blonde Beer and red wine. The red wine was like water and grape juice mixed into one, not nice at all, so fake.

This Sunday, I went to airport, company mom, with Ntep. We them went to his apartment to put my luggage and I meet his brothers. We went to the City again, to watch the Kung Fu Panda 2. The baby Po was soooo cute, it's so fluffy and I'm gonna die! :D The story was awesome and I laughed a lot. And then, we had dinner at hotplate chinese restaurant, yummy!


The night I spent here, at Rockdale, was extremelly awesome, I skyped with mom, registering my orientation seminar and well, I can feel the comfort staying here, not like Ourimbah. I hope, when the time comes, I can feel this kind of feeling, there, with new people and new environment :)

11th July 2011

I was there, at the airport. I texted with Dimas for a while, he came. Well, I checked in and I went out again to meet Stella :) Then Andrew, Aileen, and Dimas came. He wore a new shirt I don't recognized. it was a white one, bought in Universal, with the Donkey of Shrek on it. He was so calm and well, I was so nervous. I only talked to Andrew and Aileen, while he sometimes talked to me and I;m not dare enough to look at his eyes.

We laughed and talked and several moments later, Karina came. I miss her so much!! I was kinda sad that the other Genggong can't come but suddenly, Valen and Dessy ran to me, so glad that they came :):) Then, we laughed we talked about any thing. Andrew gave me a bag and there's a cardigan and a letter inside it. 

It was almost the time I need to go in, so we had a group hug and some photos with Genggong. I told Genggong to keep Dimas away from the girl named CDC and they laughed. I hug Michael, was gonna miss him so much and I am. Before I went in, Dessy gave me a book and Dimas went with me, gave me the CD of Adithia Sofyan we bought together, such a memory. I told him to take care of it and he said there's my name on it too. So I took it and I went in. I can't look at his eyes, it was still painful. 

He still texted me until I was on plane and I called him to tell Genggong that I'm going. I read the book that Dessy gave me, it was from the class. They wrote some notes for me on the Study Tour, GREAT and I didn't know at all. But, THANKS to those who came and those who prayed for me :)

Last Day

This is gonna be the last day staying in my bedroom. A bit nervous that I'm going to Australia tomorrow, staying in the new environment that I've never been there before. On the other hand, I am so excited, gotta have a new life there, a real fun, a real atmosphere to study and I'd be glad to be one of them.

I had a dinner with family tonight, not gonna have good chinese food there for such a very long time, like 4 months, but well, I threw it all again :( 

He texted me and now we're still on the bbm. He asked for a meet up tomorrow noon before I leave. I actually wanna meet him like I miss him like crazy but I just can't. I can't hear his voice. I can't see his face. It makes me so hard to leave Indonesia. I tried to be as harsh as I can, but it didn't work. I softened down and I talked to him again. I know it will hurt me again. I know he won't text me tomorrow, he won't bbm when I'm in Australia. I just, I just can't deny I still love him and deep down here I still hoping for the best to come for us. 

I don't knowwhere this will end but I hope there will be no bad dreams, at least for tonight and no more throw ups tomorrow morning, no more hardly breathe, too.