Broken Wings

I am so afraid, so fucking afraid. I am so horrible. I was on my galau mode and suddenly I saw his name on my News Feed. I hide his posts and there's an idea from somewhere to look at his profile. So, I looked at it and found the photos of coaching. I'm surprised, I saw his photos hugging a girl, CDC. She's a beauty. I was so jealous but then I keep on saying to myself that all the coaching guys love to hug everyone so that doesn't matter. Coaching is about sharing brother-sister-hood. Then, I saw other photos of him. He lookes pretty close to CDC. They sat together for several times on the photo, on the coaching time or even on dinner time. I was shaking and I am shaking.

Then I looked at his twitter and I saw his tweets. God!! There were so many mentions on her on my ex's tweets. If there was 20 tweets, then 19 of them have mentioned CDC. For God's sake, my ex boy is a passive one and now he's talking to this girl? I am so afraid. I am so broken in. If this girl loves my ex boyfriend then she tries to pedekate to him, I am so afraid that she will get his heart. I know I have none of his business. I am no longer his someone. I just still can't get over him. My former boyfriend doesn't like people who sok kenal sok deket but here is the thing, he seems to be fine with this SKSD girl. Maybe he doesn't feel nice to reject her but, I am afraid that he's in love too.

I know I don't have any rights. I have nothing. I just can't face the fact that he's moving on and I am not. I just can't face that he's over me and I'm not yet over him. I am so desperate. When will my prince come? I wanna run to a hill and shout as loud as I can. I wanna cry until I lose my voice and stop my tears. I wanna jump to the ocean and never come back.

I am having a glass of warm water and I feel better, but I keep on shaking. I miss him and I still do love him. I wonder if he feels the same. I am so afraid of losing him for the rest of my life. Is this what we call karma?

I love you, D, with my broken wings.